“Help Me?”

At least once a day during a meal, my daughter will ask for help. “Help you?” she says sweetly. (I guess from me saying frequently, “Do you want me to help you?” because otherwise she seems to have the me/you thing down ok.)

She’s still pretty little, and she’s doing a good job of feeding herself, but has trouble with certain foods that require a bit of extra manual dexterity. Even my son, who is firmly in the “I wanna do it by MYSELF!” stage has no trouble immediately asking for help any time he realizes something is outside of his ability to manage.

So if my two toddler children have this skill down, why do I have so much trouble asking for help when I am in a situation that’s outside of my ability to manage?

I’ve always been pretty independent and self-sufficient. I think having parents who divorced just before I hit adolescence, and having a younger brother to help care for while my mom worked full time just to pay the rent and put food on the table helped force that trait. But I would guess if you look back further, it was there all along. I am a firstborn, after all. And I come from a long line of Type A personalities on my dad’s side of the family. But still – independent and Type A doesn’t mean invincible.

Before I had children, I sort of prided myself on not asking for help. Then as soon as my son was born, I realized those days were over. I simply could not do it all alone. Sometimes that meant asking my husband to do more around the house so it wasn’t a total disaster. Sometimes it meant asking one of our parents to watch the baby so we could have a rare night out. It meant hiring a babysitter so I could count on having a regular time during the week to get work done.

Turn out most often my asking for help involves child care. It seems it really does take a village to raise a child – or at least my children. But the fact is, I still get a little knot in my stomach before asking someone to help me in some way. I think: What if I’m asking too much? What if they don’t want to but say yes out of obligation? What if they think I’m taking advantage?

When I write all of this out, I realize how ridiculous it sounds. But in the moment of asking, this is how my mind works. I’m not too prideful to ask for help, and certainly not too prideful to accept it. But I suppose I am too neurotic to think that anyone might actually enjoy helping me the way I enjoy helping others.

So I’m trying to be more appreciative and less annoyingly stressed over asking for help. Because, really, none of us can do it alone. But if you see my struggling, and you want to offer some assistance, feel free. Because chances are I’m not going to ask for it unless I really, really have to. And I’ll try to do the same for you.