Holding Baby Bo

This past week I took my kids to visit one of my oldest and dearest friends, Whitney. (Oldest as in we’ve been friends a long time. We will not mention either of our ages, ok? Ok.) She has two incredibly cute children, both within just a few months age of my own. Even though it’s exactly an hour’s drive to her house, we try to make an effort to visit fairly regularly for the sake of the kids. Right. For the kids.

Anyway, her youngest is 10 months old, and is starting so move around a bit, but is still in the lap-sitting stage. So while Whitney had to run to the other room for a few minutes, I was happy to provide a lap. I found it almost immediately striking how holding someone else’s child is just…well, a little awkward.

Now, I am just starting to awaken from a 2 1/2 year baby-induced fog thanks to two children born to me 13-months-and-five-days apart. (But who’s counting?) Therefore, I have had my share of baby wrangling. However, no amount of cuteness or cuddliness will diminish the fact that this definitely wasn’t my child on my lap.

When I pick up my children, I know how they will fit on my hip. I know precisely what tactics they will employ in an attempt to wiggle down and out of my arms when they aren’t interested in being held. I know how they head will snuggle on my shoulder and how their little fists will wrap around my neck. I know that they like me to cradle them like a newborn and sing Rock A Bye Baby when they’re sleepy, or just feeling a bit silly. I can anticipate their next move because I’ve carried them around for miles by now. And my arms are at least 37% stronger than before thanks to my 20- and 30-pound toddlers.

So when I picked up Baby Bo, I had none of that. I felt all the awkwardness I had for the first few days after each of my children were born, when you’re not quite sure they could possibly be really yours.

Sometimes I feel like maybe I’m not old enough or responsible enough (or stable enough some days?) to be a mom. But holding Baby Bo was an unexpected reminder that I’ve come a long way since that day just over 2 1/2 years ago when I had absolutely no idea what I was doing and had to be taught by my husband how to change a diaper. True story.